Oops... I did it again.

When I was going through the moving process recently, I tried to make a point for myself that I was going to be different in my new habitat. I conjured up ways to healthily change my state of mind, and most prominently to change my attitude. It was going well in my little thought sessions on the road, but it got increasingly hard after we had actually arrived. 

So tonight, my family and I went to a lovely party that was being thrown for a young woman who is going away to college this week. I am incredibly awkward in social situations and extremely introverted, so I was cautious and scared of the whole thing. I figured if I just trailed behind my mom the whole time and kept my mouth shut, I would pass what seemed like a test with flying colors. It was going fine for a while, but then the college girl's younger brother came up to me and asked if I wanted a drink.

I don't know why this was so irritating to me at the time, but I was incredibly rude to the poor guy. He walked up and asked if he could take me to get a drink, and I said "No." very snarkily and never even looked up at him. Just going back and reading that sentence makes me feel nauseous. My mom, who saw the whole thing go down, later described his face to me by saying, "It was like you kicked a puppy! His face just fell." 

A detail I forgot to mention about that, it was the second time he asked me.

So then my mom and I were standing around talking with a very sweet lady and she asked me about something, (I don't remember what because I was being stupid), and I just started complaining about all the mosquitoes and how I was going to end up scratching my skin raw. I was being a big baby about little bugs I have been dealing with my whole life.

My stupid mouth and my attitude were cursed for the rest of the party. We had spent most of the day at the lake with church people, and a man asked me how it went. I started on a tangent about how bad the burrs were and how one stuck into my foot and I had to pull it out and then it got stuck in my finger and I was bleeding..... 

Ohhhh I knew at that point that I was in for it. And I was right. I was lectured all the way home. But what I know is that I deserved every word of it. I ruined yet another perfectly good opportunity to make friends, of which I currently have few. I can't just keep saying "oops" and making excuses for my attitude. I need to mature and force myself to step up in awkward situations. 

I have definitely learned this lesson.